Nov 1st
And so it is the hair has to go. I have lost a lot already and wore a scarf yesterday to keep it put. Now I am no better than the old dog that lives here that sheds constantly. My long thick hair. The envy of some and my frustration. Had it all my life, now I am forced to let it go, not fair Cancer you take so much, the important and the simple, leaving your mark in more ways than one. Distracting from the fight and what really matters. Oh you are a tricky one.
Last night after chemo I let my Mom take some of it off, now you can see the patches of baldness left behind. I guess the inevitable is here time to finish it off, but not tonight. Tomorrow, tomorrow I will brave enough.
So in the morning Hubby has the clippers and I am ready to let it all go. Deep breath BRAVERY called to the front line. Then on one of his passes before it is entirely gone, I decide to keep a tuft in the front. My bangs. How long will I have them? Probably not long, but their mine and I don't want to give them up yet.
I don't cry. That is what the shower is for.
But then in there... it does not happen there either. A look in the mirror, nope still not crying. Well that went a lot better than I thought. I had said that as long as I did not have an alien head from all the tumors on one side, I would be ok. Honestly thought I was lying to myself and everyone I said it to. However, the tumors are smaller and my head does not look like an alien and I really am ok.
I kind of like that I can wear this style. Or is it really a style if there is no hair to really style. You can see the scar from my surgical biopsy, you can see my front male pattern balding. But it could be worse, in more ways than one. It is just hair........right? It will be nice to not have to shave daily to avoid a gorilla like appearance...right?
Through the steam, in the quiet and alone I have just won another strategic battle move. My hand smooths over the missing, the stubble and the craters. Devilish smile...........
Sorry Cancer this is not bringing me down either. I don't need hair to do what needs to be done.
~Katy Perry~
"Who am I living for"
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