March 19 2014
CHECK UP EVE
Had my PET scan on Sunday, they pumped me with the radioactive sugar blend and into the tubing I went. Not so fast folks, they don't tell you anything. Instead you spend the next few days (4 to be exact) wondering, trying to continue on your path, but the whole time in the back of your mind it is there. It is always there, and will probably always be there. The question of whether or not it is gone. Ppsshhhh part of me is positive the meds did what they were supposed to, another part is insecure and wonders.
Where have I been? I have been growing hair!! No but really I have been healing. I have a terrible case of dry skin and my toenails are still weird I have been living. Yup since that last round in Jan. I have made moves to get back to me. This means back to the gym, back to work, photographing the Fire Dept., entered an Art show (image accepted), back to doing house work......ok maybe not so much on the last one, but I am getting there. I am officially signed up for the Warrior Dash in May, hopefully Dr. approves! It is a 3.34 mile race with 12 obstacles. In the short time from Jan to now I have been able to get from only being able to walk 3 miles (however long it took) to 10 min straight jog and 3 miles in 42 min at 3% incline and of course lifting some weights too. And I can still move in the days to follow. YOU HAVE NO IDEA how much that alone means and feels. If I am told I can't race, I have already won. I can move, sleep and I don't have to pretend I don't hurt and I don't have to ignore that I hurt with everything I do, because I don't hurt anymore.
My smile is mine again and it is true.
"Despite its slow-growing nature, most cases of follicular lymphoma are not curable with currently available therapies."
"Despite its slow-growing nature, most cases of follicular lymphoma are not curable with currently available therapies."
And so why would fear of tomorrow be unreasonable?
Don't be negative everyone says, but in reality how could you not be........... even just a little.
Do I want to dwell on it? Uhm no, but it is a reality I can't ignore, just tell me either way, and soon, I got things to do. I personally think the scan and results should both be on the same day.
Order of my questions for the Doc at this long awaited appointment:
Can I color my hair?
Can I put my nails back on?
Can I run in May?
Is the cancer gone?
What? It is a good order :)
Today I will go to the gym, after all it is run day. I will do my best.
And tomorrow after what will probably be an un-restful night I will get up early in the morning, see the boy off. Watch the sun come up, and sip my coffee. Wondering what will be and what will not be.
Then it will be time to head out. Hubby by my side, holding my hand we will yet again make the trek across towns, cruising the highway holding hands and quiet, not much to say on appointment day, just got to hold on.
Then we will check in and wait................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
and all the while I will try to remind myself "that this is not the end of me, this is the beginning.........."
~Christina Perri~
"I believe"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53CNJnmFr5I
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