Nov 17th

"Aunt Flow"

Disclaimer- If you are Male (or maybe even Female), you may find this post has TMI (too much information) but, sorry but this is life!

So the days go by after Round II with my usual 7-day get back to me schedule. Things are even looking better then Round I, Round II is shaping up to be cake!

Here is how the 7 day back to me schedule shapes up. 

Day 1-Infusion Day- We all know I sleep (Benadryl remember)

Day 2-Recovery Day-Lounge, sleep and pill pop

Day 3-Getting Antsy- Movies, slight cleaning, more pill popping (anti-nausea)and lots of eating (Prednisone remember)

Day 4-More Antsy-Prednisone only (more eating) cooking, light houseworky stuff

Day 5-UGH-I think I am 10 lbs heavier, bloated and after all that I have eaten.......nothing has left. So this day is about internal begging, hoping and trying to get things back to normal (both rounds by the end of this day things are better)

Day 6-YAY-Still a little better, but I am reminded with slight cramping that "Aunt Flow" should have visited the day before!

Day7-UGH-No "Aunt Flow"I think she paused as if she was going to stop by, but then no she never showed!

Day 8- NO "AUNT FLOW" The only way to understand the trauma this is causing is to know the experience of pent up anger that you know is unreasonable. The effect of the sweetest voices getting on your last nerve, and the almost uncontrollable urge to punch people in the face and not being able to act on it.

Thus I go into hiding. Society is safer.

Don't want to converse, I can't stand anyone!

I don't even like me.....

If I could leave myself and crawl into a hole I would. 

For those of you that have never had "Aunt Flow" visit, well I know it is hard to understand.

For those of you that have had her visit and she doesn't anymore, you are grateful. As was I...being past my childbearing wants and reading that Chemo may make her visits cease (hoping those of you reading have figured out who she is now) either only during the treatments but sometimes even beyond.

So yeah no shaving and no "Aunt Flow"? You have to have the positives to focus on, so these are some good ones.

But as time went on I did the unthinkable I begged and begged for "Aunt Flow" to come back before someone got hurt!! Some of the most intense PMS I think I have ever experienced!

And so she did Day 9 and all is right and calm in my world again.

No one got hurt, I like people and myself again. But now I have to think if she is late again next time, she is extending my recovery back to me time by another week!! That will leave me ONE good normal week where I feel like me until the next treatment :(

So if her not coming to visit is going to create the extreme Chaos as it did this time, I will take her late and hope for the best. However if she decides not to visit again, I would be ok with that too.

All I am asking from her now is that she not send all her baggage prior to her visit no matter her decision. I got enough on my plate to deal with and so do the people that have to put up with me.

~Kelly Clarkson~
"Dark Side"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5ArpRWcGe0